i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
