im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
