Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
