Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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