Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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