i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
