"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
