There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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