How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
