And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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