I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
