right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
