the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think your dad took our porno
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
