just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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