i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
