I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm passing your future prison.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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