I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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