And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
