Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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