Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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