4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I need moral support for this bender
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
