You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
