I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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