I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
