NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize