If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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