After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
