Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm getting married
To pizza
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
