Is it because I queefed?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
