Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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