You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can I color on your dick again?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
