Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
