Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
