So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
