You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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