i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
