I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
