He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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