I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it glows. i had to have it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
