we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize