Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
