Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
