i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
