Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
