this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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