Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
