he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
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Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
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do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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