No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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