Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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