Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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