ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
