Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
