You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
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We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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