So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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