There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
