It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
