I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
