I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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