I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
