They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
