So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
