and you said cock pushups were impossible
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
