I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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