I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Fuck appropriateness.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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