he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
are you so shy because you have an std?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
