My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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