FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
