the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
