We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
