dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
