Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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