i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
