My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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