see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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