he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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