My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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