My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
