God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
