Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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