Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't think brook has ever known best
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my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me