i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.