Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You took a bar mat shot.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.