I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk