i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
