Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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