put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
